i had so much work to do over the break but didnt do anything....like my last anthro paper, 8 pages, research paper, and it was due yesterday....didnt do it.
oh boy, i just wish i could see some light in this tunnel of my life. My loneliness is darker than the deepest cave, and its taking hold of me, of my emotions, my life, my studies. Can someone step up and be that light? cant you end all this suffering???
lately ive been reading One piece and my favorite character is Luffy. and i wonder why i like him, i mean, the character is dummy, stupid, doesnt use common sense...totally the opposite of my ideal character.lol...what makes him special is his confidence. He wants to be the king of the pirates, yet people make fun of him, but that doesnt stop him from dreaming, from laughing, from acting stupid and carefree. His determination has gotten him the best crew he could ever ask for and hes happy to die for a dream. for his dream. i wish i had his determination, i wish i was carefree like him, and had a reason to laugh. but the more i tried to find it, the faker i feel. thats why i dont feel motivated, and my b-day is gonna depressed me even more because im lonely.
heres a poem from Pablo Neruda that keeps me alive. gives me a reason to fight this aimless war.
Muere lentamente quien se transforma en esclavo del hábito, repitiendo todos los días los mismos trayectos, quien no cambia de marca, no arriesga vestir un color nuevo y no le habla a quien no conoce.
Muere lentamente quien evita una pasión, quien prefiere el negro sobre blanco y los puntos sobre las "íes" a un remolino de emociones, justamente las que rescatan el brillo de los ojos, sonrisas de los bostezos, corazones a los tropiezos y sentimientos.
Muere lentamente quien no voltea la mesa cuando está infeliz en el trabajo, quien no arriesga lo cierto por lo incierto para ir detrás de un sueño, quien no se permite por lo menos una vez en la vida, huir de los consejos sensatos.
Muere lentamente quien no viaja, quien no lee, quien no oye música, quien no encuentra gracia en sí mismo.
Muere lentamente quien destruye su amor propio, quien no se deja ayudar.
Muere lentamente, quien pasa los días quejándose de su mala suerte o de la lluvia incesante.
Muere lentamente, quien abandona un proyecto antes de iniciarlo, no preguntando de un asunto que desconoce o no respondiendo cuando le indagan sobre algo que sabe.
Evitemos la muerte en suaves cuotas, recordando siempre que estar vivo exige un esfuerzo mucho mayor que el simple hecho de respirar.
Pablo Neruda
