Tomorrow I will be speaking in front of a classroom about my life as an undocumented student and consequently what can be done to fix our situation and the socio-political turmoil aorund immigration these days. I personally don't want to sound like I am helpless or biased in my own issues. They are my issues but I always like to keep my mind open to other opinions regarding these. I have written my story plenty of times before, (and its even been published too) because I am confident enough to write it but not say it in front of people. I feel safe when I write because I am able to express and articulate my feelings and thoughts better than when I speak. And it is ironic, considering that I am an actress and have performed enough times to get over the speaking fear, but this is also because when one acts, one is not herself because one is playing another character. I have no problem acting in front of strangers, but I find it difficult to express my own opinions in a debate concretely or even speaking on the phone sometimes. Anyway, tomorrow I will be telling my story, live, in front of strangers. I want to be able to express exactly how I feel, without having to pause to think of what I'm trying to say, or not say everything I'm thinking because I'm thinking too fast. I also, want to experience the vulnerability that comes with opening yourself up to strangers, and the liberating feeling that runs through you like a thunder striking a tree. I have already experienced this feeling in my writing so I am kind of scared/ excited about doing it personally.
I attended an event at school today about Homelessness in NYC. The two speakers were current homeless women who are activists for homeless people in NYC as well as housing for the homeless. There is one attitude I noticed about them that Ive also seen in undocumented immigrants and LGBT individuals coming out in public: It's both their power and their weakness, its what automatically makes them different from the rest of us, its what brings them to speak to us about it. I just love that, how difficult it is to open up yourself to strangers and yet how easy they make it look. I find it so amazing and inspiring, I can only hope I can transmit that feeling tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm not simply going to talk about being an undocumented students with hardships and stories. I want to talk about how being different gives me the strength to stand in front of them and tell my story. Life is really what you make of it and If you choose to feel sorry for yourself, or pretend to be someone you're not, then keep it up as long as you can stand it. I am sick and tired of giving excuses to people about why I don't have a driver's license or can't apply for financial aid to finish college. This is who I am, and this is where life has gotten me so far: one more semester and I will have my bachelor's degree in Anthropology with a minor in theatre.
